


Fade to Black

by laquesis



Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Denial, Frottage, M/M, Miscommunication, Oral Sex, Some Plot Conveniences, Unresolved Emotional Tension, non-au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 13:01:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16723917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laquesis/pseuds/laquesis
Summary: Jaehwan wasn’t completely ignoring him. They would still exchange some words here and there and he always acknowledged Minhyun’s presence, but everything just felt cold and distant and completely unlike what they used to have before. How comfortable  and happy they used to be around each other.But lately it seemed like he was making a point of staying as far as possible from Minhyun, like he was running away from his touch. And that hurt Minhyun more than he would like to admit.





	Fade to Black

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry about any mistakes or inconsistencies. This is unbetaed and even though I've read it multiple times I'm sure some things have escaped me. 
> 
> I felt like there aren't enough Non-AUs for this pairing, so I decided to write one myself. It took me way longer that I thought It would, though. 
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you guys like it!

They hadn’t been talking for a while; not like they used to. Their interactions had become rare and awkward and Minhyun wasn’t really sure when everything had shifted. It wasn’t something that happened overnight; they didn’t have a big fight or anything like that, but it had gotten worse around the first week of their world tour. That’s when Minhyun realized the situation was more complicated than he’d initially thought.

Jaehwan wasn’t completely ignoring him. He never did. They would still exchange some words here and there and he always acknowledged Minhyun’s presence, but everything just felt cold and distant and completely unlike what they used to have before; how comfortable and natural and _happy_ they used to be around each other. It wasn’t about skinship - Jaehwan wasn’t usually physically affectionate with him or any of the other members; not even when they used to be super close; he had his own ways of showing affection. But lately it seemed like he was making a point of staying as far as possible from Minhyun, like he was running away from his touch. And that hurt Minhyun more than he would like to admit. 

It was common knowledge between the members that something had happened between them, something had torn them apart. They lived and worked together, so it was impossible not to notice, especially when they used to be so close. Nobody dared to ask him directly about what happened, they were too polite, but many tried to get some information out of him in various ways. Minhyun always pretended not to understand what they were talking about.

To be fair, not even Minhyun knew what had really happened between them, and that uncertainty made everything even worse. He had some theories; had spent hours elaborating them and never reached a conclusion. Perhaps he made a joke that could possibly have hurt Jaehwan, even though Jaehwan had always laughed along and he doubted that was the actual reason. Maybe he was too controlling or too critical, even though he was pretty sure he never crossed the line. But Minhyun never had the guts to ask Jaehwan directly, so he could never be sure. He just knew that he hated that situation and that he felt his chest constrict every time Jaehwan didn’t look back at him. That his heart would break whenever he noticed Jaehwan getting closer and closer to the other members and getting further and further away from him. It wasn’t how it was supposed to be. 

*

That’s why that night in Manila was special. Minhyun felt like his groupmate was in an unusually good mood, at least when it came to how he was treating him. Might’ve been because that was their last world tour concert and Jaehwan felt nostalgic, he wasn’t sure, but they had exchanged some light touches and glances here and there and Jaehwan even went to him and asked for his help with some lyrics. He went to _him_ specifically, so it probably meant something, Minhyun thought, even though that would’ve seemed silly from an outside perspective. It was nothing compared to how close they were during their first months as Wanna One or maybe even during their time as trainees on Produce 101, he knew that, but it was a big progress considering the last few weeks. A good sign, definitely. 

Minhyun felt hopeful on their way back to the hotel. He was determined to figure out a way to restore their relationship to how it was in the beginning. He thought about going to Jaehwan that same night, but they were all exhausted and went straight to their rooms and he had to postpone his plan to when they got back to Seoul. _Good_ , he concluded. More time to think about what he was going to do.

During their flight back home, he tried to come up with excuses and minor reasons to start a conversation without actually having to confront Jaehwan. Minhyun hated conflict and tried to avoid it as much as possible. He knew that most times the right way to deal with a situation was openly talking about it, but he was somehow terrified that he would mess things up even more with Jaehwan if they discussed whatever was going on between them. He knew he wasn’t good at expressing himself in situations like these and he was easily misunderstood. So he hoped this time his friend would realize how much Minhyun cared about him and forget any grudges. Jaehwan wasn’t usually a resentful person, so the hard feelings would wear off and things would be fine in the end. As good as they could be, at least. 

He ended up deciding to ask Jaehwan for help with composing a made up farewell song for their fans. It was a plausible excuse, he believed, and Jaehwan was too polite and loved music too much to refuse. 

*

Minhyun knew that despite being an early riser, Jaehwan was also a late sleeper, so he waited until after the other members went to sleep before going to their common area. Jaehwan could be found in the couch, humming a melody and strumming his guitar, a few sheets of blank paper scattered around him. Minhyun couldn’t help but smile at the sight. He gathered his courage, took a deep breath and went to his friend, but before Minhyun could set foot on the living room Jaehwan got up from the couch, startling Minhyun and ruining his plan. 

He was going to sleep, Minhyun thought. He couldn’t just casually approach him now, it would be too inconvenient. Minhyun believed everything must happen according to his plan, so he decided to abort mission and wait for the next day. _And he didn’t really have to wait until everyone was asleep_ , he concluded. _That wasn’t a good idea anyway_. So he quietly made his way to the bathroom to hide like the coward he was and wait until Jaehwan arrived at his room. 

But then someone opened the bathroom door and turned on the lights. 

“H-hyung?” He heard Jaehwan’s surprised voice. “I’m sorry, the lights were off so I didn't know you were here” He glanced at Minhyun, his expression startled, and then immediately looked down. “I-I’m going now. Have a good night. I’m sorry.” He bowed clumsily, then turned the lights off again and made a motion to go out the door. But before he could leave, Minhyun grabbed his arm, his grip a little too forceful. He only realized what he was doing a couple of seconds later, when he quickly let go of Jaehwan. 

“Jaehwan, wait. I… - Minhyun choked on his own words. He had know idea why he was acting like that. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know what I was thinking. Are you hurt?”

“It’s okay.” said Jaehwan while still looking down. His voice was low, almost a whisper. “You wanted to say something?”. 

“No, I was just…” 

But before Minhyun could blurt out a lie, Jaehwan looked up, directly into his eyes. Even though he couldn’t see that well with only the light of the living room coming through the half open door, he felt like Jaehwan’s gaze was burning him inside. The room suddenly felt hotter and smaller. He didn’t know if it was because it had been too long since they were alone together in the same room, if he was just scared he was going to say the wrong thing and destroy their friendship forever or if it was because Jaehwan looked beautiful with the messy hair, the serious expression and slightly open lips. He’s been looking so beautiful lately.

They stayed like that for a while, just looking at each other like they were in some sort of trance. Minhyun’s heart was beating loud and fast and he was starting to breathe heavily. There was a palpable tension between them and seemed like both felt paralyzed by it. 

But then Jaehwan’s gaze moved to Minhyun’s lips that was the end of it. Suddenly Minhyun’s hands were grabbing Jaehwan’s hair and pulling him towards himself, kissing him hard. It was aggressive and open mouthed and wonderful and Minhyun felt like he had been possessed.

It wasn’t a new feeling, though - he’d thought about it before. He’d thought about it multiple times, actually; ever since the beginning of everything. But he knew it would be impossible, so he’d decided to bury what he felt really really deep until that very moment, when it resurfaced with full force, dominating him. 

Jaehwan didn’t pull back - not for a long time - not before their hands started pulling on each other’s clothes, craving to touch bare skin; their kiss deepening, all tongue and teeth. But then a sudden noise that came from the upper floor woke them up from their daze.

“We can’t. Not here...not today.” Jaehwan’s voice was hoarse, shaky. “They will… we can’t”. He sounded nervous, but hesitant to leave, his hands grabbing the fabric of Minhyun’s shirt for a brief moment before he let go. 

Before Minhyun could answer, Jaehwan was already out of the room and Minhyun was left alone in the dark, a mess of hope and fear and lust. He stayed still for a moment, not really sure if everything that just happened was real or if he was going insane. 

He then headed to his room upstairs, still feeling lightheaded. Sungwoon was asleep, snoring lightly in the bed beside his own. Minhyun made way to his own bed and slid into his covers, chest heavy and head spinning, still half-hard in his pants. He knew he wouldn’t be sleeping that night, so he took himself into his hand and imagined how the night could’ve ended.

 

*

The morning came and Minhyun was feeling awfully anxious. He hadn’t slept at all the night before, his mind working non-stop, alternating between fantasizing about Jaehwan, imagining millions of possibly disastrous consequences of their kiss and suspecting everything had been a weird dream. Part of him was dreading that Jaehwan would come to him and say that everything that happened had been a mistake and that he actually felt repulsed by Minhyun. He was scared their friendship would be over for good and things would never go back to how they were in the beginning. And after last night, Minhyun thought, that was out of question. They could never go back to how they were before. And the thing was: Minhyun didn’t really want to. He’s had a taste of it and now he wanted _more_. He was tired of pretending, especially to himself, that he didn’t want Jaehwan.

It began with pure admiration and then it developed into something more, something deeper. He wasn’t really sure why; maybe it was Jaehwan’s voice, maybe it was his heart, or his talent or his peculiar sense of humor and determination; maybe it was everything altogether. Despite them being so different they felt complementary and Minhyun thought that being with him just felt right. When it came to the physical side of it, Minhyun started noticing how much he loved Jaehwan’s soft features; thought they were beautiful and would be perfect in contrast with his own sharp edges. There was this unexplainable magnetism, so intense to him that sometimes being apart would feel like pure agony.

His attraction to men wasn’t something new to Minhyun, though. He was used to suppressing that part of him, knew how hard it was for people like him in the industry. But Jaehwan made everything harder, more painful. He still had to push his feelings down - thought he had no other choice, and he believed he was getting better at it. Or he was, at least until the night before. He didn’t want to do it anymore, though. Didn’t know if he could.

When he finally saw Jaehwan for the first time that morning he was acting like nothing had changed and Minhyun didn’t know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. But as the day went by, Minhyun noticed Jaehwan was a little more fidgety, like he was waiting for something to happen. Sometimes Minhyun would catch Jaehwan looking at him and quickly averting his eyes afterwards. That made the other part of Minhyun, the one that dared to be hopeful, start to win over the fearful one.

Also, Jaehwan had said “Not _here_. Not _today_ ” and these words had sparked a flame of hope in Minhyun. Hope that maybe Jaehwan meant that they could see each other again in different circumstances, in a different place. Hope that he might feel the same. Minhyun couldn’t lose him now, couldn’t leave what happened between them behind, so he would take his chance later that night. He would go to him, even though he had no idea what he would do, how he would act and how Jaehwan would react.

He decided to wait again until everyone was asleep. _It would be easier in the dark_ , he thought. If something bad happened he could always pretend it was a dream.

*

“Aren’t you going to bed?” Sungwoon asked Minhyun while leaning his head out of the bathroom doorway, mouth full of toothpaste. “I’m absolutely destroyed. I feel like I could sleep for a hundred days straight.” He spat and washed his mouth. “You slept late last night, didn’t you? Aren’t you tired?” 

“Yeah, but I really need to work on some stuff for one of my solo gigs, so no sleeping early for me again.” He lied, trying to keep a nonchalant attitude despite his heart wanting to burst with anticipation. Minhyun felt guilty about lying to his friend, but telling the truth just wasn’t an option. 

“Huh. Sucks to be you, I guess.” Sungwoon sounded a bit suspicious, but didn’t ask Minhyun to elaborate. “Goooood night” He yawned, then covered his entire body with the duvet. 

Sungwoon was fast asleep several minutes later, Minhyun made sure of it. He couldn’t hear any noise coming from the other rooms, so he decided it was time.

He walked slowly, trying not to make any sound. Jaehwan’s lights were off, but his door was ajar and Minhyun took that as a sign. Jaehwan was one of the few members who had a room all to himself and Minhyun felt that was a blessing. He opened the door hesitantly, heart beating fast, not really sure what to do after getting inside. 

Jaehwan was lying in the bed, on his side, his back to Minhyun. He moved slightly and his breathing was shallow, like he was only pretending to be asleep.

For once in his life, Minhyun let himself be guided by instinct and headed to the queen-sized bed. He lay beside Jaehwan didn’t look back and both of them kept still and silent for a moment that might have lasted seconds or hours. The silence was unbearable and Minhyun felt like he could hear his own heartbeat.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Minhyun said, voice small, and less than a second later Jaehwan turned his head back to talk to him.

“Hyung, about yesterday I...” Jaehwan started, but Minhyun was too scared of what he was going to say, so he immediately put his finger in front of his lips, barely touching them, shushing him gently. 

“Let’s stay like this. Please. Just for a little while.” Minhyun said as he put his arm around Jaehwan’s waist. He didn’t know where this surge of courage came from, just that what he was doing felt right. 

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes; both pretending to try to fall asleep. It wasn’t long before it became too much for Minhyun, though; the anticipation too strong, the tension too heavy. Minhyun’s eyes were getting used to the darkness and with the faint lights coming through the narrow gap under the door and the open window he could see Jaehwan’s exposed skin below the collar of the pyjama shirts and the little drops of water on his neck trickling from his still damp hair. He could feel the scent of shampoo and soap coming from his heated body. He could feel the rise and fall of his stomach through the light fabric of his clothes. Everything seemed to be inviting him in.

When he couldn’t take it anymore, he pulled Jaehwan’s lithe body tighter against his own and buried his face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in. He didn’t think anymore, just let his body take over, ridding himself of all reason, all of his inhibitions.

He slid his leg between Jaehwan’s and started mouthing on his neck, giving him open mouthed kisses and little bites. It was risky and dangerous and forbidden but it just felt _so good_. He got scared for a moment when he noticed Jaehwan trying to resist by keeping still, but he quickly felt him giving in; his breathing getting heavier, his body shivering as he soon started to respond to Minhyun’s touch, pressing his back against him, holding Minhyun’s hands against his body and finally turning his head back like he was giving Minhyun permission to kiss him. 

Minhyun pulled Jaehwan’s head against his own, pressing their lips together. The angle was awkward, so he turned Jaehwan’s body around and now that they were facing each other and everything suddenly got more real, more intense. Jaehwan was breathing heavily; he had some red patches on his neck, his lips were open and wet. Jaehwan had lovely lips. Full and narrow and pink. He thought about touching them for the first time when they were rehearsing for Sorry Sorry.

At first their kiss was gentler; tentative and slow, but it quickly started to become more urgent, charged with desire. Minhyun’s body began to feel on edge, his cock filling against his pants, the impossible heat on his groin dictating his actions. He caught Jaehwan’s lower lip between his teeth and pulled hard. That seemed to ignite something in Jaehwan, because he let out loud whimper and suddenly got more bold, lying down on his back and pulling Minhyun over him with a strength he didn’t know Jaehwan possessed, grinding their bodies together.

Minhyun had never been this aroused in his entire life, but he wanted to make the night last; wanted to touch and taste and enjoy Jaehwan’s body as much as he could. He wanted to take care of him, always had this urge, and he knew there was no going back and that night would probably be their last together, so he wasn't going to rush it. He pulled back a little to be able to lift Jaehwan’s shirt up while looking him in the eyes, asking for his permission. He tugged the shirt over Jaehwan’s chest and leaned down to press light kisses in the area while running his hands gently over his ribs. He then went for his right nipple, holding it between his fingers then licking around it and nibbling on it a little until it was hard and dark. Jaehwan was trying to suppress his moans and Minhyun thought that was a shame. Jaehwan had the loveliest voice he’s ever heard and he always wondered how he would sound when he was feeling good. 

Minhyun wanted to say Jaehwan’s name, wanted to praise and encourage him and to say how much he wanted this, how much he wanted _him_. But he was afraid his words would make everything too real, would wake Jaehwan up from this dream and scare him away. So he kept them inside his head. 

Everything seemed surreal to him, like he couldn’t really believe that he was actually touching Jaehwan like that. He lowered his mouth to Jaehwan’s stomach while his hand dropped to his crotch. Minhyun’s heart sped up as he looked at Jaehwan’s face and the sight made his own cock twitch. Jaehwan’s eyes were half lidded and he was covering his mouth with his hand. His hair was disheveled and there was a bead of sweat running down his forehead. He looked simultaneously desperate and embarrassed, and that was all because of him; all for him. Minhyun felt incredibly lucky he was able to see Jaehwan like this, so vulnerable and completely at his mercy; so open when he was usually so hard to read. Minhyun wished more than anything to photograph him. He tried to capture this moment in his head so he would have it as a memory to revisit whenever he needed to. 

Jaehwan lifted his hips like in an invitation and Minhyun tugged his pyjama pants down and then off. He desperately wanted to turn on the lights so he could see better, so he could absorb every detail, every different colour and shape. Jaehwan’s cock was hard and flushed and there was a pool of liquid where the head was resting on his stomach. He felt an unstoppable urge to put it in his mouth and he soon gave into it. 

Minhyun’s hands squeezed hard on Jaehwan thighs, trying to pry them open as his mouth kissed and licked Jaehwan’s length. It was messy and exploratory and Minhyun was crazy with it; felt like he was starving for it. Feeling a little surprised at his own boldness, his own obscenity, he lowered his mouth and captured one of Jaehwan’s balls between his lips and sucked while his thumb circled the head of his cock. Jaehwan wailed and pulled Minhyun’s hair with an impressive force.

“Hyung…ah. Hyung calm... calm down.“ He panted hard.” Please. I… I wanna make you feel good too.”

Jaehwan’s rough and uncontrolled voice went right to Minhyun’s dick. Of course he wanted Jaehwan to touch him, but he was getting so much pleasure from what he was doing that he even forgot about himself . He was too focused on memorizing Jaehwan’s body and sounds and gestures so he could keep them forever.

“But you are” - he went up to kiss his neck. “So, so good. Just let me take care of you tonight. Let me look after you.” He licked Jaehwan’s throat. “Next time i’ll let you…” He said it in a burst of courage and hope that there would be a next time.“I’ll let you do whatever you want.” It was almost a plea, like Minhyun was trying to imply how much he wanted to keep doing this. He wanted to do this forever.

Jaehwan moaned in response.

Minhyun went down on Jaehwan’s body again and swallowed around his length, the sensation of the hot weight on his tongue driving him even crazier, his movements a bit clumsy and inexperienced. Minhyun has only ever been on the receiving end of a blowjob before, so he tried to replicate what felt good to him, alternating between sucking it hard and tonguing the head while stroking the base. He never imagined he would enjoy it so much, he who was always so composed, but the sound of Jaehwan’s heavy pants, the taste of him and and the look on his otherwise innocent face were the best thing Minhyun could have experienced. Sometimes, when he allowed himself to think about it, he wondered if one night with Jaehwan would be enough to quench his thirst, like scratching an itch. Then he could just love him as a friend and he could be free of this feeling that brought him more pain and confusion that he would like to admit. But now he realized that it has gotten worse and he can’t even think about stopping.

Minhyun felt him pulse in his mouth and Jaehwan moaned and yanked his hair again as a warning. He wanted to keep going, to feel his release in his mouth, but he decided he wanted to be at eye level with him when they came, so he made an effort to stop as soon as he could. Jaehwan whined and then try to pull him up, even though it didn’t seem like he had much strength left. They kissed again, lazy and wet and dirty, until it seemed like Jaehwan couldn’t wait anymore. He slid his hand inside Minhyun’s sweats and boxers, pulling them down and reaching between their bodies to hold Minhyun’s cock. Minhyun trembled and cried out against Jaehwan’s neck; it was his first time being touched that night and he already felt like he was about to come at any second. Jaehwan’s fingers were gentle, stroking his entire length up and down, teasing him, his other hand squeezing his ass hard. He wished he could see it, Jaehwan’s beautiful and delicate fingers touching him like that, handling him like he was one of his precious instruments. He suddenly asked himself if Jaehwan had done that before, if he’s ever been touched like this by another man, and was hit by a fleeting and irrational wave of jealousy and possessiveness, his grip tightening on Jaehwan’s hair; Minhyun had to fight the urge to mark him. 

 

Under him Jaehwan was bucking his hips up, trying to get some sort of relief. He let go of Minhyun’s cock and grabbed his ass with both hands, grinding their bodies together hard. Minhyun rolled his hips, his movements uncoordinated and desperate. Jaehwan’s cock slid against his own up and down, leaving a trail of wetness against his stomach, the friction was delicious but not enough; he needed more, he needed everything. They breathed against each others mouths in an almost kiss, both trying not to moan too loud so the members wouldn’t hear them. Jaehwan’s breathing was getting faster and Minhyun felt his body tense and then shudder violently against his own. Jaehwan let out a breathless whimper and then went silent. Minhyun felt a hot wetness spilling over his own stomach, cock and chest and that made him wild with, his own movements getting faster and more violent. Minhyun looked right into Jaehwan’s glazed eyes as the boy still trembled with the aftershocks of his orgasm while he grabbed Jaehwan’s small hand and sucked on his fingers. He swears he felt Jaehwan tremble once more, but he couldn’t be sure because his own orgasm took him over only a few seconds later. He felt like his body was on fire, coming hard between them for what it felt like forever, mouth letting go of Jaehwan’s hand to bite on his shoulder. 

They stayed still for some time while they came down from their high, sweaty and exhausted and sated, bodies still tangled together.

*

Minhyun wouldn't think about the implications of what just happened, not that night. So when Jaehwan opened his mouth to say something, Minhyun interrupted him before he could utter his first word.

“Can I stay here just for a couple of hours? I will leave before dawn, I promise.” He was scared Jaehwan would say he regretted what they‘ve just done and he wasn’t ready to hear it, he needed to live with the illusion just for another moment. 

 

“Oh. Yeah, I’d like that.” Jaehwan’s voice was hoarse and low and he sounded tired and confused, but Minhyun though he could hear a hint of happiness in his tone. He was probably also trying to process everything. “Shouldn’t we go clean up?”

Minhyun smiled, finding it ironic that he wasn’t the one who suggested it first. As a matter of fact, he felt pretty comfortable where he was right now, sweat and come and everything. Minhyun chuckled. _Who would’ve thought_.

“Yeah, we should.” He muttered against Jaehwan’s shoulder. He could see the dark mark of his teeth and his rational side hoped it wouldn’t bruise, otherwise they would have to make up an absurd lie to tell the coordis. “Let me just stay here for a while, ok?”

As promised, when the dawn arrived he got up, leaving a sleeping Jaehwan in the bed. He lingered a little bit before he left, studying Jaehwan’s body, savouring the moment. He couldn’t stay long, so he walked out the door, worried about the following day, but without any regrets.

 

*

Turns out that night wasn’t their last.

It had become their little secret. They would keep their interactions to a minimum during their schedules, enough to not be awkward, but whenever they had the opportunity, Minhyun would wait for Sungwoon to go to sleep and sneak into Jaehwan’s room. They would fuck and whenever Jaehwan would try to talk about it, Minhyun would give an excuse or change subject and somehow Jaehwan wouldn’t insist, like he was also afraid of what would come out of it.

The truth is Minhyun was terrified he would lose this. He knew what they had wasn't healthy and he often felt confused and lonely and he missed being by Jaehwan’s side; talking to him, being his friend. He sees him playing and laughing with Daniel and Ong and hanging out with Jisung and hugging Daehwi and he feels jealous he doesn’t get to have this side of him as well. Then he reminds himself that during the months prior to their first night together he didn't even have that anyways, so now that he’s able to touch him like this he wants to keep it for the longest time he can. Minhyun knows they are fated to separate, knows he’ll have to deal with it sooner rather than later, but he decided he wouldn’t think about that too much. He would delay his heartbreak until it was inevitable. 

He wouldn't lie: he had some hope that they would keep this thing they have even after December. Maybe they'll even recover their friendship after having a little bit more freedom, a little bit more time. He’s one of the lucky ones - he has Nu’Est and even though he’s scared of the future, a side of him was looking forward to being with his old friends again and start building an actual stable career, hopefully. He will miss the boys, he’ll miss them terribly, but he’s sure they’ll keep contact. He’s sure of it. The boys would succeed, he would meet them at the music shows and they would hang out after work. Jaehwan and him would laugh together again and go to Jaehwan’s new studio and sing and make love and reminisce about the old days. Everything will be great.

But each time they met he noticed Jaehwan getting more wary, maybe a little impatient. He wouldn't show it by being irritated or anything, but Minhyun could see the sadness in his eyes and he felt terrible about it. He knew Jaehwan was expecting something from him, he just didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Because if they ever discussed whatever was going on, the only reasonable conclusion would be to end it. And Minhyun had stopped being reasonable weeks ago.

 

*

 

As the days got colder and their last comeback approached, the mood in their dorm was getting lower. They couldn’t help but worry about their futures and mourn the end of their time together as a group. Minhyun was still trying his best to keep optimistic, even though the atmosphere didn’t really help. 

Jisung and Jaehwan were cooking dinner when Minhyun entered the kitchen to get some water.

“Hyung, would you mind finishing alone? I’m not feeling really well right now and I think I’m just gonna go lie down a little bit.” Jaehwan’s voice was low, like he was trying to conceal something. He turned to Minhyun and gave him a silent nod of acknowledgement. Their eyes met for a brief moment and Minhyun felt bothered that he couldn’t read him. He was starting to worry. It wasn’t like Jaehwan to leave like that, especially when there was someone else with them. 

When Minhyun was about to leave, he heard Jisung let out a deep sigh. 

“You know, you guys really need to sort this out. Whatever is going on between you two.” Jisung sounded a bit impatient. “I’m not saying this as a leader who wants his group to have the best dynamics during our last comeback, but as a friend and advisor.” He lifted his gaze from the pan and looked Minhyun in the eyes. 

Minhyun felt trapped. 

“There’s nothing different happening between us.” He lied, keeping his head down.

Jisung rolled his eyes 

“Jesus. We are not stupid or blind, you know? I don’t care if you don’t want to tell me, but I _do_ care about you two. Jaehwan’s been miserable lately, he’s worried sick about his future and it feels like it’s been months since I last heard him laugh. You know how much you mean to him and it’s clear he misses you, especially now.” He took a deep breath. “Look, I’m not sure what caused this beef between you two but I am certain you both wouldn’t want to split on bad terms.” 

Minhyun was starting to feel angry. It was unfair that he was the only one being called out like that. “Why don’t you tell this to him, then? He’s the one who started avoiding me in the first place and I don’t even know why!”

“Oh, but I did. He told me that every time he tries to initiate a conversation you bail out. He said he’s almost giving up. And about why he started to stay away from you, are you sure you don’t know the reason? Because I thought it was pretty easy to deduce”

“What do you mean?” Minhyun’s heart started beating faster. “Do you know something? Did he tell you?” Maybe he would have to face everything after all. He was beginning to feel like he was going to cry.

“No, he didn’t tell me anything directly. And I didn’t want to insist because it’s not really my business to interfere and I told the other members to do the same. Well, seems like I just broke my own rule.” Jisung let out a humorless chuckle. “He just told me it was for the best, or something like that.” 

“But _why?_ ” Minhyun said in a whisper.

“I don’t know. You should be asking _him_ , Minhyunnie, not me. Anyways, I think he’s trying to fix it now. And you should let him. I don’t think things can get worse than they already are.” His voice had become softer, like he was trying to comfort Minhyun. 

But they could, Minhyun wanted to tell him. Jisung didn’t know about what they had, he didn’t know about their secret. He still had _so much_ to lose. 

“But now I’m tired and hungry and I’m not gonna talk about this anymore. You guys are free to do whatever you want. Just think clearly. I’m tired of seeing your sad little faces. I miss you two together, okay? And I know how much you care about him.”

“I do. I really do, hyung. I'm gonna make it up to him.” Minhyun admitted sincerely. 

“Good.” And he walked out the door with a smirk.

*

Jisung’s words echoed in his mind for the next few hours. What was supposed to be “easy to deduce.”? And what did Jaehwan mean with “it’s for the best.”? How was it for the best? Minhyun was confused and even though he wanted to have a conversation with Jaehwan and clarify everything, he knew that acknowledging whatever was happening between them probably meant that it would have to come to an end. Because what choice did they have? He just couldn’t do it now. Just couldn’t. He would try to make it up to him, then, would try to make him realize it’s worth it. That what they have is worth it.

He did everything the same that night. When Sungwoon was asleep, he sneaked to Jaehwan’s room. The door, like always, was ajar, but that time there was light coming from it. His heart sped up, the fear of confrontation taking him over. Minhyun approached the room and stayed still for a while. He decided to take a peek through the door gap before going inside and saw that Jaehwan wasn't lying down like as usual. He was sitting in the bed, legs crossed, back against the headboard. He couldn't see his face very well, but his posture was a bit stiff, like he was nervous. Like he was getting ready for something important. Minhyun stepped back while trying really hard not to make a noise, but it was too late. He heard Jaehwan’s voice. Small, hesitant. 

“Minhyun-hyung? Are you there?” 

Minhyun froze into place. He wasn’t ready for it. He needed some time to think, to figure out what he was going to say. _Tomorrow. It would be tomorrow, no excuses_. If he couldn’t escape this situation, he would need time to think it through. To find something to say to Jaehwan, something that would make him stay. 

He carefully made his way back to his room, walking as silently as possible, pretending he was never there.

*

He realized something was wrong when he first saw Jaehwan the next morning. As they made their way to the company building to rehearse for their last comeback, Minhyun kept stealing glances at him, trying to catch any signs directed to himself, but Jaehwan didn’t even look in his direction. He was visibly sad and exhausted, and wasn’t even trying to hide his discontentment. Minhyun heard Jisung ask him if he was okay and Jaehwan said something about having a migraine, but it was clearly an excuse. He wondered if Jaehwan knew he’d been to his room the night before.

What he didn’t expect was for Jaehwan to talk to him when they were on a break from rehearsing. Minhyun was going back to their dance room from the bathroom when they bumped into each other. He waited for Jaehwan to give him a half smile and continue on his way, like he’s been doing whenever something like that happened in the past weeks, but this time Jaehwan didn’t leave.

“Minhyun-hyung. Hi.” He sounded flustered, hurried, like he was expecting Minhyun to turn around and run away. 

“J-Jaehwan-ah?” It was the only thing he could say at that moment. 

“Last night, hm, did something happen?” Jaehwan asked and Minhyun felt like he was being tested. 

“I wasn’t feeling well, so I just stayed in bed. I was going to message you, but I ended up falling asleep before I could. Sorry.” He lied, trying not to sound too nervous.

“Ah.” Jaehwan’s voice was quiet and his eyes looked sad. Minhyun felt impossibly guilty. He would make it up to him later. “Because I thought I heard you outside of my room… I guess I was wrong, then.” By the way he was looking at him, Minhyun knew Jaehwan was aware he was lying and was giving Minhyun a second chance to tell him the truth. But Minhyun looked around and saw where they were, heard the boys’ voices into the distance. He was too aware of his surroundings and already too deep into his lie. It wasn’t the time or place to have this kind of conversation. He would tell him everything later in the privacy of Jaehwan’s room. No excuses this time.

“I’m sorry, Jaehwannie. It was probably Jisung-hyung or Guanlinnie wandering around the hallway.” It hurt him to lie like that, but he had no choice. 

But what hurt him even more was the way Jaehwan looked at him after.

“Ah. Okay, hyung. I’ll go back to the practice room, then.” His voice was full of disappointment. Minhyun thought he saw tears in Jaehwan’s eyes, but he quickly looked down, turned around and walked away. 

“I’ll see you later tonight, okay?” Minhyun blurted out, a clumsy and desperate way to assure Jaehwan that he wouldn’t run away again.

Jaehwan didn’t look back, but he gave him a thumbs up sign. It was enough for Minhyun to feel a little bit better. _Everything would be okay_ , he thought. It always turns out okay in the end. 

*

The rest of the day ran pretty smoothly. They spent the morning rehearsing the choreography for the title track and had another recording session in the afternoon. They were going to release a full album this time and Minhyun couldn’t help but feel excited about it. He was very pleased with what he had listened and couldn’t wait to hear their own version of the tracks, especially Sungwoon’s. Minhyun was proud of his friend and happy that Wanna One wouldn't be parting ways without leaving something they were proud of. Something that would bring good memories for them and their fans for years and years to come.

Minhyun felt relieved Jaehwan didn’t really seem to be mad at him after their painful conversation earlier that day. He still looked a little off, eyes a little sad, but he wasn’t avoiding Minhyun or treating him any different. They had exchanged some words and even some smiles at the recording room. That filled Minhyun with confidence for later, made him hope that maybe his fears were pointless after all. 

*

As midnight approached, Minhyun felt a little less ready, his confidence waning, his doubts growing. But he decided he wasn’t going to be a coward anymore. He was going to listen to Jaehwan and tell him how he felt and hope for the best. He had no choice but to hope for the best.

He repeated his routine. Checked if Sungwoon was really asleep. Made sure the other members were also in bed. He made his way through the familiar hallway, heart pounding. Everything was even quieter than usual, even darker than usual, and that filled Minhyun with uneasiness. 

As he approached Jaehwan’s room, he realized that something was wrong. For the first time since Minhyun started going to his room, Jaehwan’s door wasn’t ajar. It was closed. Minhyun felt his heart drop. He hesitated before he turned the handle. 

Locked.

Minhyun sat on the floor, back to Jaehwan’s wall, silent tears in his eyes. He was late.

**Author's Note:**

> That's the first time I post on AO3 and that's my first fic in english, so please be nice to me! 
> 
> And I promised myself I wouldn't create a twitter account, but I don't have any wannable friends and I don't think I can handle the next month by myself, so please let's cry together at https://twitter.com/Laquesis8
> 
> A comment would make my day <3


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